Tonight We Dined In Hell

My journey begins tomorrow. I am a planner so naturally I needed the weekend to create somewhat of a menu and a shopping list. I needed to make sure I was organized. That phrase, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" really does apply here. So I got my grocery shopping done, got a few extra food storage containers, have my first three days of meals mapped out and what exercise I will do.  

Now, I wouldn't exactly say that I binged all weekend on terrible food, but I made sure that I ate and drank what I think I will miss the most on my journey. I had beer, pizza, soda, bread, Mexican food and plan on making it to the frozen yogurt place later tonight. When I've been in this spot before, I really did binge. And I was really sad about having to deny myself the things I enjoy. This time around, I could really care less. Ok. The soda is going to suck and if I'm being honest, the beer will too. But the food, I just don't care. I could see my face getting wider and feel my jeans getting tighter just looking at what I was about to eat. I told you, this time it feels different. 

My husband is being really supportive and wants to get healthier himself. I think it's awesome he is going to be making some changes with me. But, one thing I haven't mentioned is that I am a smoker. I know, I know. He said if I really wanted to get healthy the first thing I should do is quit smoking. And he's right. And this could be an excuse or a crutch or whatever you want to call it, but I want to focus on eating and drinking right and getting active first. I know that as I lose weight and as my body gets stronger, my limited lung capacity is going to slow me down. I know it will happen. And when it does, I will quit. I'm not ready to quit smoking just yet. If I'm not ready, I won't be successful even if I tried. I'm ready to lose weight. I will be successful. I am happy taking things one step at a time and even if people think I'm doing it all backwards, so what. I'm not doing it for other people. 

My plan is (I really am a planner) to weigh myself first thing tomorrow morning. It scares the crap out of me. I just know it's going to be a much bigger number than I think it should be. Whatever. It's where I'm starting. I've heard and read arguments on both sides about weighing yourself daily and weekly. I've heard it's better to measure yourself and not worry about the scale. I've decided to weigh myself monthly and if I can find some measuring tape around the house I will do that too. My journey is going to be a long one and I think weighing myself monthly will help me keep that in mind. I am not on a deadline and this isn't a race. I do know it's important to have short term goals as well. My first short term goal is to get through the first month without giving up. That's it. I know that I need to have patience and perseverance so not giving up the first month seems to be a fitting goal. Even though tomorrow isn't the first of the month, I will weigh myself in the morning on the first of every month from here on out. I want to keep my name private so I don't feel like I have to censor myself but some of you know who I am. I haven't decided if I will blog my weight, I feel like I should but I don't know how ready I am to let it all hang out. 

I am really happy I created this blog. I believe it will help keep me motivated and maybe it might motivate others. Although I'm feeling optimistic and hopeful, I'm thankful to have a place to whine and complain as I experience the difficulties of such a long and hard journey. 

I'm excited and ready to get going.